Yesterday, while channel browsing, I caught a glimpse of the talk show called “Ladies First” on NDTV Imagine. Gauri Khan was the guest. While I do not fully understand the concept of basking in reflected glory, I was reminded once again of the much touted “Behind every successful man there is a woman” principle.

Support structures are crucial in this flawed existence of ours. For human beings, more than the superficial trappings of economic comfort and material possessions, it is the support rendered by another human being that sometimes makes the difference between life and death. In moments of despair and self doubt, if there is one person who stands strongly by your side, you can survive almost anything and even conquer the world while you are at it. There is nothing that love cannot heal, there is nothing that belief cannot accomplish. That is what support structures do for you. They love you and believe in you. Whether the love and belief are deserved or not is immaterial, that is the beauty of it. Behind every successful man there is a woman who unconditionally gives. Now this is a generalization and as generalizations go, there are many inherent flaws in it.

“Behind every successful person there is another,” might make for a more meaningful saying. Once a child is born, it is only a matter of time before emotional enemies begin their vicious attack. Fear, anger, resentment, regret, guilt, self doubt… every thing that makes you less than who you really are, will attack you, have no doubt. What you make of life ultimately depends on how effectively you are able to vanquish these enemies. The easiest way is to have someone to blindly love you, believe in you and support you no matter what.

Now just having another person to support you does not necessarily guarantee that success will come a chasing. A strong person when supported unconditionally will become highly successful. A weak person may not become successful but still derive some benefit; he may be deterred from killing himself in despair.

Confidence, self belief and desire to make something of your life are not just inbuilt, contrary to what many believe and what even I used to believe. There are certain traits that are innate, yes, but the role that the environment plays in further strengthening these, is not trivial by any measure.

The cause of all suffering is attachment. The cause of all material success is also a direct consequence of this attachment. Think about it, it’s true. Only if you are attached to the vision of success in your head and the associated gains will you become successful. Detachment is nothing but attachment to oneself (or whatever concept of higher power you believe in), so though it sounds virtuous and godly, it is attachment nonetheless.

You read books, smoke (metaphoric) weed, think philosophically and delude yourself that you know it all. But when it comes to practising what you know, you fall short just as any other attachment ridden human does.

There are two ways to solve this problem, the way I look at it. If you accept your frailties such as need for attachment, approval and other assorted pleasure inducing concepts, life becomes simple. All you need to do is follow certain rules. Rules have been clearly defined and honed over the years for your benefit. “Give and take” is an easy one. Makes you feel good to give, doesn’t make you feel guilty to take. “Take” is another rule, if you follow this, get rid of guilt and you will be fine. There are many religious rituals and practices that facilitate getting rid of guilt. If you are not religious and are prone to feelings of guilt then don’t follow this path. Basically, if you play by the rules you will receive love, support and approval in abundance. There may be stereotypical roles to subscribe to, some lucky ones may even get to not role play and still reap the same benefits. In any case, if you accept your need to be socially attached and approved, this route promises infinite peace of mind. When your mind is calm and free of worries you can set about amassing the kind of wealth and success you have always dreamt of.

But there is a catch. You should not expect the support and love of everyone and his janitor. Don’t get attached to the unimportant and trivial people. Find a few. Or two. Or just One. The One is the best. Then practise “give and take” or just “take” or any of the other one thousand nine hundred and ninety rules from the Book of Rules. This is what makes the “behind every man…” concept so true. One person to believe in you can work miracles.

The second route is for those who smoke weed. Detachment. Not possible by ordinary human beings. To sweeten the deal you can also call it “intention with detachment” which is basically saying, “dude, do your thing, don’t worry about what happens.” Easy to say, almost impossible to practise, unless you are free from all the trappings of the mind and body. And who is? Not even the kind rebel was.

So, to get to the success you dream of, first define what success is to you. Prepare the usual project plan with timelines and milestones. What is most important though, is to build your support structures right, because there WILL come a time when you need another person’s strength to pull you through.

Else detach. Don’t care. But then “success” will also cease to matter if you really don’t care.